Lindsay Lohan had a "total death wish", says her former bodyguard.The troubled actress, who is currently being treated for alcoholism and drug abuse in Malibu's Promises rehab centre, is "out of control" and has reportedly tried to commit suicide.Lindsay's ex-security guard Lee Weaver, who claims he quit because she was too dangerous to work for, revealed to the News of the World newspaper: "I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood but have never seen anyone as out of control as Lindsay. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met."I lost count of the times I thought she was overdosing and had to carry her out of parties. Every morning I'd breathe a sigh of relief she was still alive."One night I looked at her wrists and hands and noticed they had bright red wounds all over them. She broke down and told me, 'I don't belong on this planet anymore.' She said she cut herself because she didn't think life was worth living."Weaver - who has previously worked for Brad Pitt, Pamela Anderson and Robert Downey Jr. - also claims Lindsay, 20, joined Nicole Richie for cocaine binges.He said: "One night Lindsay and Nicole laid a mirror taken from the bedroom and on a coffee table and emptied a mountain of coke onto it. They went at the stuff with straws hoovering it all up. I tried to tell Lindsay to stop. After ten hours, I had to carry her to the car."Weaver also claims Lindsay experimented with lesbian sex, using women for"thrills". He added: "I lost count of the women she took back to her hotel room from clubs. She used girls for thrills. I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey's butt and boobs one night."At the start she seemed such a fun-loving angelic girl, but under the influence of drugs she was psychotic."