Spying Kathy Posner

Back when I was a boss, there was no sophisticated technological equipment to be able to track key strokes on a computer, video cameras or voice mail. Employees could pretty much get away with stealing company time if they worked for me. There was that one time when someone went on vacation, and knowing I checked e-mail when they were away, stupidly used her company e-mail address to have conversations with a friend totally trashing me. I had her exit letter ready when she returned. Now days it is easy and legal to track what employees are doing behind their employer’s back and I am glad that I don’t have employees to monitor or I would probably drive myself insane once I discovered how much company time they were spending on personal tasks. I have compiled five easy ways for employers to scrutinize what the workers are doing. Because I have no employees to supervise, I will play the role of “work force guardian” and educate everyone on what they need to look out for and how to protect themselves from meddling bosses.

(1) Phone calls- While one might think that their phone conversations cannot be listened to, it is perfectly legal for an employer to eavesdrop whenever they want to. An employer is supposed to stop listening once they realize it is not work related but if company policy prohibits personal calls, management can continue to listen. SOLUTION-If an employee suspects their calls are being monitored they should start talking about their urinary tract infection disease. That will make any outsider drop off the line!

(2) Computer- Every key stroke on your computer can be logged, monitored and analyzed. Programs can be installed to check what web sites you are going to and how long you spend on those sites. SOLUTION-Visit boring religious web sites. Once the monitor realizes he won’t catch you on the fun sex ones, he will stop checking you.

(3) E-mail-It does not matter if you erase, delete or trash your e-mails. They exist forever. Since it is possible for companies to monitor your personal e-mail account also if it is being used on a company computer, don’t think you are safe. SOLUTION- Send e-mails to your Aunt lamenting on the death of her 17 year old cat. That will set a base-line of your being the world’s most boring person and the company won’t waste security time on checking on you.

(4) Voicemail- Voicemails are digitally stored and have the shelf life of one million years. Your voicemail will live long after you have died. To ensure that your voicemail is not continually monitored, make sure that your saved voice mails are the most tedious and lackluster messages. Hire Ben Stein to say, “Bueller, Bueller” a few times in his monotonous voice and salt away that message.

(5) Video Cameras- These devices are so cheap and small an employee might not even realized they are installed. To guarantee that the spy police will not be watching you, pick your nose every few minutes. Whatever guard was assigned to look at your camera, will stop immediately!

Of course employees could just do their work and not look for ways to thwart “the man,” but my way is so much more fun! Excuse my while I scratch my butt!
Click Here To Catch More Of Kathy Posner....